Life has become pointless. I achieve everything I set my mind to. I’ve performed poetry in the sydney opera house and a publisher has picked up all my work. It will be published soon. That book was my last goal. I told myself that as soon as it gets published, that would be it. It probably sounds shit but when you can have everything, it feels like nothing. My life has been torturous to say the least. Trauma throughout. I’v always wanted to belong, but I feel like I belong 6 foot deep
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3 comments
Perfectly valid feelings. But is there anything you haven’t accomplished? Like traveling around the globe? That always seems to help people get in touch with peace.
I’ve been lurking for a while and this is the first post that really describes my situation. It doesn’t seem to make sense and yet here we are.
To put things in perspective, it helps to look at someone who’s even more successful and suicidal. I’ve been reading about that famous dj Avicii who just killed himself. Young, good looking, tons of people who loved him, bright career that was just getting started. Suicide age 28.
When you read something like that, your gut reaction is to think wow he must’ve been a spoiled rich kid who got everything and wanted more. But then you realize someone with less than you will be saying the same thing about you if you kill your self.
This is NOT a “think of how much worse others have it” comment. I hate those. What I’m saying, and trying to apply to my own life, is think of a better life like Avicii’s and ask yourself if you would waste it by killing yourself?
We’ve achieved success and feel nothing. Maybe that’s because relative to our true potential we’re not close to real satisfaction yet. So even though it’s supposed to feel good it doesn’t. But I’m thinking (hoping) that means I just need to do more. At least we’re in a position where we have forward momentum. Even though it feels pointless, ride it out and see what comes next?
You both are confusing satisfaction for achievement. They are two totally different things and you’re speaking about them as if that’s the confusing part…as if they should be interchangeable and questioning why they seem not to be. Achievement is not synonymous with satisfaction because achievement does nothing to deal with one’s pain (and ironically is often used as a numbing drug of choice by depressed type A’s as a form of distraction). Satisfaction can only be gained when pain truly subsides, and resting solely on achievement to feed the ego (rather than be wary of its instability and put in work to find its root causes) does nothing to help pain subside. That achievement pedestal is like an addict’s next line of cocaine. Makes things feel better for a minute by distracting til the next crash. Only putting in the painful work to crucify and question the ego will lead to satisfaction, rather than create shiny illusions to temporarily pacify a negative feeling.