Ive been sad. Empty. People triggers the darkness i feel everyday. I cannot remember when was the last time I was happy. All I can remember was faking a smile, fake a laugh and fake happiness. I wasnt happy at all.
I’ve lost time, failed oftenly, judged too quickly, degraded more often. I wasn’t sure if I was worth the life given to me. Or what is this all about? I’ve been fighting my anxieties for a long time. I drown and when I get up i drown again.
What is my purpose? I am sick and tired. I am hurt. My heart hurts. Its been broken. So hard to fight. Crying was a part of my daily routine. Overthinking became a habbit and anxiousness became normal. I dont wanna talk about this but i am drowning. I dont want sympathy but again im drowning.
3 comments
Yes I have been thinking on happiness lately…. I always hear this I can’t remember the last time I was happy….. I conclude now no mistake made, I have never been happy in my entire 24 years. Not even for a minute… ugh can’t wait to end my life..
I’m pretty dang tired of life at times too…
I wouldn’t call my happy moments fake though. Their definitely real, it’s just their always short-term and/or temporary. They can’t override the overwhelming darkness that is people and their societal pressures…
It’s all stupid to me really…
… I forgot what I was going to say…
I just wish I knew how to help you. 🙁 If I could, I’d give you a big hug. 🙂
I know this feeling all too well….I laughed the other day with a friend and it was the first time in a long time I laughed from any place I knew to be “real”. It didn’t last long though. Overthinking is seriously overrated and I wish for a lobotomy sometimes. I’m trying to imagine that I’m dog paddling, not drowning.. not much advice there, but a different visualization may help…