September 25th, 2018 by Octr


It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, I still miss you.
If I could go back in time and fix everything I would have, I would do anything to hold onto you for as long as I could.
I made so many mistakes and I did so many horrible things I said so much that I regret.

The universe handed me someone outstanding that I absolutely didn’t deserve and instead of rising up and pushing myself to be someone who did deserve you I let you slip away, I guess in reality I pushed you away, I hurt you and pushed you over your limits and you finally gave up on me.

My biggest regret in life was failing our relationship, failing you.

I had everything I ever wanted and you were giving it to me and I took it all for granted.

I’m writing this because I still miss you, I’m still in love with your perfectly imperfect smile, your puffy cheeks, your insecurities, your demons.

I watched you grow up and you made me grow up, you saved my life and I ruined yours.

If I could take it all back I would.

As much as it hurts me now, I know you would have been better off if I never even entered your life to begin with.

I just hope you are so much better now, happier, healthier.

It’s all I could wish for.

Because I never deserved you.

I’ll never deserve you.

Been almost 3 years now and I still reach out my hand when I’m in bed, waiting to feel your palm pressed against mine.

I literally owe you my life,
But you made it clear I will never be in yours, I guess that’s what makes it so much harder.
I’m left talking to my bedroom walls because you’re not here to listen.

You were my best friend and I’ll never forgive myself.


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