September 3rd, 2018 by NumbExhaustion

I don’t really know where to start with this. The school year’s just begun but I already feel like I’m dying. Like, I really just want it to end and I feel all alone and I dunno. I know that people would miss me if I died but now I just can’t bring myself to really care as much. I’m just empty and numb and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. Like, why can’t I just move out and go to college already so that I can fuck up my life without anyone here to see. Like, why was I born. Why do I exist? Why can’t someone just kill me already. I’m stupid and worthless and I don’t take good enough care of my pets and I’m not responsible and I don’t do homework but I just don’t care. Like, why can’t someone just end me already? I dunno. Everything’s crashing down around me even though there was nothing there to begin with. I feel like my life is falling apart when nothing’s happening. Like, why am I not dead yet? I dunno. I don’t see much point in anything anymore. Like, my meds really don’t feel like they’re doing much even though I’m probably better off than where I was a year ago but I just don’t want to deal with this anymore. I’m so tired of living. I suck at writing stories, I suck at school, I suck at playing violin, I’m a horrible caretaker for my pets, I’m useless, I’m selfish, I feel like I’m just faking everything for attention and I don’t even know if that’s true. Like, am I faking this or is it genuine? And if it’s genuine, why can’t I be like normal people and not bring attention to by problems. Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t I be responsible and stop making excuses for myself. I should just get it together. I’m so tired of everything. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore.

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