Deliberate actions

  September 28th, 2018 by morado123

Once, I was desperate to get along well with my friends. I paid whenever I went out to eat with them, gave them gifts so they wouldn’t leave me all by myself.

It so happened that I had dated one of my friends. Dating him wasn’t as happy as I thought. That experience still haunts me. The touch, the kiss.. all is a nightmare. Even now, as I trace my scars, I think of him – he destroyed me mentally. Yes, the relationship was toxic.

One might wonder, “Why didn’t you break up with him? Don’t act like a baby.” Well, if you and your boyfriend happens to belong in a group of your only friends at school – and you spend all of your days at school -, you might be hesitant to end your relationship. Breaking up might bring end of many friendships.

Then, I came to realize that I shouldn’t be afraid. I’m basically an adult, I should act like one. Whether I’m included within my friends’ group shouldn’t determine how happy I am.

So, here I am now. I don’t know what lies my ex-boyfriend concocted to make my previous friends be so rude to me, though I never ever had a row with any of them.

But, now I know, it’s really alright to be lonely. I may have only a couple of friends with whom I hang out, and that’s enough.

I’m an outsider, I chose it, and it’s really nothing. The perfect way to cope with your relationship problems is -at least for me- to leave all pretense of trying to be friendly with everybody.

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