Hi! So, I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot lately, and I realised it’s been a little bit over a year since I first tried to commit suicide. I’ve experienced so many things, tried so many means of relief and just like I’d imagined nothing worked. Now, I’m more depressed and helpless than ever before.
They say it gets better, and so I used to think. I’ve been depressed as far as I can remember — I had my first major mental breakdown when I was 12, now I’m 19 soon to be 20. I used to think as I grew older, things would magically get better, it couldn’t be further from the truth.
It appears that it doesn’t really matter how hard I try and whatever situation I find myself in, I’m always gonna be miserable, and the desire to kill myself is gonna be there, haunting me no matter what.
Because I failed time and time again, I feel like I’m being dragged into living a life I don’t want to live. live got into a point in which I’m only alive because I can’t bring myself to hang in there (pun intended XD) for enough time to finally bite the dust.
Long story short, it does get better, it doesn’t mean, however, it gets bearable.
I now look back at the day it all began. Little did I know, by attempting to commit suicide that day I’d be setting a precedent for all of my life.
The only thing I’m certain of is that even if I fail next time, Imma keep on trying till I find ever lasting peace