dislocated self-awareness. declination of the past. dispersion from freedom. unpleasant emersive thoughts. respective immersive social relational trust fond. disability of detachment.
this just keeps me awake what I read. who makes funerals, I would be death inside but I want to express it privately and have trust in coping skills, and issues.
I wished it in a bad prediction for the future to die, and I relapsed from hate to love which is something strong to me. I am unable to remember this, but the development of the relapse took my commiseration which used to consume me out in view of my desire and which had me selflessly in damage to myself empowered me to emphasize with the most painless atmosphere.
And that was depression. Crying made me Free, but I’m not done enough, it was a huge loss which is gone with the hate. I’m like censoring myself as I can’t express it by any act and want to be striked by something that is close to the imagination that leaved me with my believe that the causality to love after the psychosis is better than the truth of my ridiculous expectations and to be loved back.
And I insist for the proof of my desparation with the peace in me to have suffered and to want more.
I stay in distance because for just a single time I want to disrespect my confidence. I don’t want to trust the love, I want to be with, with only the fear and want that to make me cry.
I can’t stop, I’m uninterested of being real in life without and really am not into the world all my life.
I must find another home that is corrupting the idea that the first memory is been one I trusted to, felt close to and wanted to life in. I didn’t.
Can you make out my mind? I can’t make out mine..