feeling nothing

I can’t recognize myself in the mirror , have no money to buy drugs that cure me, no friends , everyone I now used me , my family used me , my family did hurrible things to me , things I can’t say , or remember , I lost my memories , I don’t remember who I was , can’t say who I am now , I have no future , all the things in my life was someone’s else plan , I never did or sayed the things I want , I always react as they want me , I could killed for stupid things , my life purpuse is to serve people  , this is the truth and it is hurt , I don’t know what to feel , I don’t feel things , don’t understand feelings anymore , I don’t feel alive , if i cummit suicide I don’t beleive I will understand what I am doing , don’t feel reality anymore , can’t feel the things I tuch.