I truly believe I am the ugliest human being to ever walk the earth. I hate ever little thing about me and I can’t change any of it. I’m so sick of being ugly. The only thing I feel like I can control is my weight, but trying to control it made me even more out of control and I can’t get better. I feel so hopeless and useless. Life is pointless and stupid, truly. I embarrassed by the way I look. It’s like I can see myself from someone else’s perspective and it’s just embarrassing how absolutely disgusting I am. I don’t know how much longer I can live with this hatred for myself, I just want to be pretty. Why couldn’t I have been a pretty girl? Why do I have to look so gross? There is no better word to describe me than the word ugly.
9 comments
I can so relate, life sucks when you are ugly. I’m fugly not just ugly!!
I like the line you wrote under your previous post about the “marigold fields that rue the day they were forcefully planted”. Clever.
Life is full of creative influences (both positive and negative) for strange stories and ideas. I’ve always enjoyed seeing the abstract come into form in the shape of words. I mention all of this because I thought there was an interesting juxtaposition between your passion for writing expressed in your last post and your line in this one that life is pointless and stupid. I’m not trying to say that this is a contradiction, because it isn’t. This is just the first thing that came to my mind.
Personally I would replace stupid with strange and rather absurd, and acknowledge that while life is ultimately pointless on a cosmic scale, it need not be on a human or individual one.
No one is ugly. That’s only their prepective. We may hate ourselves and thats enough but no one is ugly. Maybe mean and grump. But we tend to take it out on ourselves. I’m guilty of that.
Agree.
I bet you are better looking than you think you are.
Agree.
I used to call myself ugly too. I appreciated when anyone told me different but still believed I was ugly. Now I accept how I look and still appreciate any compliment on my looks that comes my way.
Beauty and ugly are in the eye of the beholder. Bad feelings about ourselves can skew this picture.
Someone else may think highly of your looks.
I relate with you on a few levels. I don’t care about the way I look I focus on the way that I feel. I like the way I look but I DONT WANT TO BE LOOKED AT. I hate when other folks notice me or pay any sort of attention to me. I don’t want to be known.. I want to be like a nonperson or a nonentity. I hold myself to a separate standard of knowing exactly who I am and what I stand for and knowing no one else knows about me or what that is, they only know about what they can conceive. I know there are better looking people and I don’t envy them because I don’t know them. I don’t carry their hearts, you know, I can’t feel their feelings (though I’m sure I wouldn’t want to) I’m pretty much happy with myself the way I am and the skills and endurance I work myself through, but the way I look does not dictate any sort of motion behind why I would kill myself.
I’m not expecting to be interested in a person by the way they look because that’s just the tip of the iceberg
Someone else’s perception is strictly that, someone else’s. And does that person truly make a big difference. You shouldn’t let anyone make you feel worse on yourself
Sounds like body dysmorphic disorder to me. The curious thing is that apparently, those that have it are never actually ugly. I watched a documentary about it. It followed a young British woman who had it. She was rather attractive (and dating the handsome lead singer of a band), but she couldn’t see it. All she saw was ugliness. She spent all her time focused on her perceived ugliness. It was really something of an eye-opener to me. The mind is a strange contraption.