I’ve decided to isolate myself so that the people I care about aren’t as hurt when I go, but it’s devastating to feel this alone. Perhaps it will help motivate me.
I wish I could hold someone, wake up with them and know that everything is going to be ok. I wish fear of me hurting them or vis versa didn’t tear me apart like this. I wish I could give my present without having to give my future. I want to feel safe in today without worrying about tomorrow.
I just wish I wasn’t stuck between living and dying
2 comments
That’s a horrible feeling. But I get it. Feeling so numb to anything and everything. The feeling of being “undead” almost. Not dead but not really living. But sometimes it’s okay to be selfish and get closer to people. Just as long as you don’t let them get too close. Because that often just hurts more. But If you let people in, even by just a little bit, it can make everything so much more bearable.
You are describing my torn feelings perfectly. “feel safe in today without worrying about tomorrow” feels like a book or poem.
I don’t know any solution to solve these feeling, but what midnight1234 writes sounds logical and if it’s possible i would definitely give it a try.
Anyhow. I just wanted to write, that i find your text really good and that it fits just perfectly. And idk why i am writing this, but good luck and I hope that you don’t do anything thoughtless.