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Sharing about your depression

by BrokenHaze-

why does every people that i’ve been sharing to about my depression keeps telling me that i’m overdramatic?

is that really hard to understand? every people keeps compare about their experience to me.. eventhough my main case is I lose motivation to do anything.

 

when I share to my mom,she broke into tears and said “u don’t ever dare to said that again. do u really hate me(mom) so much that u want to kill urself? am I a failure as a mom? and she even implied if u don’t wanna see me(mom),i’m ok though I will die sooner or later.”

my mom is diagnosed with breast cancer stage 1. and last year my sister born his son illegally and his boyfriend left her.

my mom always keep blaming why she has karma like this and thought that I hate her cause I said I wanted to suicide.

why does she can’t understand that I try to live so much just for her?  i’m just broken and losing will to even find a job. i’m 19 and still a colleague. I just can’t find any happiness or motivation to live. every night I dreamt of sleeping forever but it never happened.

I just wanted to suicide to ease my family financial cause i’m just a burden.my mother even can’t afford for her cancer treatment, and my brother worked so hard abroad to afford my study and family. my father can’t work for several weeks cause of his crash.

and recently past 3 months I got pulmonary tb and still on medication. my back  hurt so much because of this depression. and from time to time ,my feeling is numb.. I just can’t feel sad anymore eventhough I heard that my father crashed from motorcycle,and I can’t feel happy eventhough my crush contact me for the first time after 3 years..

i’m just broken.. I still dreamt of that no one would care if I die so I can suicide easily.

8 comments
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8 comments

princessmousy<:3)~ 1/13/2019 - 5:29 pm

Thats how they are. They don’t understand. Some don’t even try to understand

Stable as Uranium 1/13/2019 - 9:52 pm

It’s hard to understand something like that. Don’t let them walk all over you man.

BrokenHaze- 1/14/2019 - 12:26 am

did that ever happened to u?
how do u cope with it?
just keep it to yourself? @princessmousy3 @stable-as-uranium

princessmousy<:3)~ 1/14/2019 - 3:31 am

Yup I just tend to keep it to myself.

BrokenHaze- 1/14/2019 - 11:06 am

yeah life is hard though.
it’s just impossible to make someone understand how you feel unless they feel it too..

do you have severe depression too?

princessmousy<:3)~ 1/14/2019 - 6:12 pm

I’m not sure if I am depressed. I think of suicide quite alot though and have been suicidal on and off since 2013. (My circumstances)

princessmousy<:3)~ 1/14/2019 - 6:12 pm

Not only circumstances but I don’t really like the idea of life anyway.

Two-Faced 1/14/2019 - 2:16 pm

Technically they aren’t wrong, suicide is an overly dramatic response to circumstances. Here’s why, because there will always be other ways to deal with situations and suicide is likened to a last option. So for you jump over the maybe 100 other things you could do instead and choose suicide, is being overly dramatic and illogical. But the choice exists because it’s a logical part of the system, but it has never been used the way it was intended to be used (as a last option). Don’t ask me to give you an example of when suicide is a last option, because I have never heard of one.
Here’s what I think, your mother is a separate being, and she doesn’t feel what you feel. So she makes her deductions based on the information around her. She cannot find a logical reason why you would choose dying over being with her and that’s how she sees it. That if there is no reason then she must be the problem. Have you tried explaining in detail what you feel and think? Maybe you have. But here’s where emotion and logic never meet. She simply wants to keep you alive, so she is tying your resolve to herself, in short she is getting involved by making you think the decision is between being with her and dying. When in actuality it is between you living (Which comes with being with your mom, suffering from TB, struggling in school etc) and dying (Forsaking your existence, leaving your mother, denying your body its purpose to reproduce, leaving your father and friends etc). So the choice isn’t that you hate your mother.
With that said, in my opinion you can’t explain suicide to a functioning human being. If you could then the reasons to do it would be logical which they aren’t.

So here’s your decision, either you do the logical thing and fulfill your existence or do the illogical thing and end your life, in which case you will be considered the villain. It’s not an easy choice and am glad for you that it isn’t. I don’t you to take your life.

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