Sharing about your depression

  January 13th, 2019 by BrokenHaze-

why does every people that i’ve been sharing to about my depression keeps telling me that i’m overdramatic?

is that really hard to understand? every people keeps compare about their experience to me.. eventhough my main case is I lose motivation to do anything.

 

when I share to my mom,she broke into tears and said “u don’t ever dare to said that again. do u really hate me(mom) so much that u want to kill urself? am I a failure as a mom? and she even implied if u don’t wanna see me(mom),i’m ok though I will die sooner or later.”

my mom is diagnosed with breast cancer stage 1. and last year my sister born his son illegally and his boyfriend left her.

my mom always keep blaming why she has karma like this and thought that I hate her cause I said I wanted to suicide.

why does she can’t understand that I try to live so much just for her?¬† i’m just broken and losing will to even find a job. i’m 19 and still a colleague. I just can’t find any happiness or motivation to live. every night I dreamt of sleeping forever but it never happened.

I just wanted to suicide to ease my family financial cause i’m just a burden.my mother even can’t afford for her cancer treatment, and my brother worked so hard abroad to afford my study and family. my father can’t work for several weeks cause of his crash.

and recently past 3 months I got pulmonary tb and still on medication. my back¬† hurt so much because of this depression. and from time to time ,my feeling is numb.. I just can’t feel sad anymore eventhough I heard that my father crashed from motorcycle,and I can’t feel happy eventhough my crush contact me for the first time after 3 years..

i’m just broken.. I still dreamt of that no one would care if I die so I can suicide easily.

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