I was thinking of picking up the phone but dialing the numbers seemed too heavy. I was going to call but the depressing tone was the only thing that stops me from talking. I was thinking about ending my life right now but Alice (gf dog) is what keeps me going. I wonder if we don’t work out if I could keep her? If I didn’t have her right now I doubt I would of made it this long. The cuts on my arms show me this. I wonder if I’ll look back on all this and feel sad for myself or if someone will find this journal and read these pages after I die and finally fill in the missing clues as to why I did it. They will see my things and think of me, as my things breathe life into this room. They tell an untold story of my life as someone comes down here to box them up and put them away. They will go through everything as if my possessions are little pieces of gold, memories of myself left behind for someone to look at and admire. They will keep little trophy’s with them, keeping them among there things to remind them of me every time they wake up or walk by it. Only to share memories of the times we had together.
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2 comments
I read on a pre-suicide forum that a lot of people don’t find a suicide’s things as a loving momento and just see like crap the d*mn person left around. I read it might seem like a nice thing to do but in reality good to clean up your mess beforehand and get rid of your things save a few items so the clean-up is not as much a struggle for the survivors.
*would have
While blond (without the ‘e’) may be attached more to the masculine in use, it remains an understandable description.
Of course, one would think there are more important points on this website than perfect grammar or spelling…
As to the content of your post, I agree with the commenter above regarding belongings. And even if you haven’t been able to pick up the phone, you are communicating in some form. An engaged dialogue is easier to receive from a call than a place like this, but SP can be a good spot to vent/release (if impersonal at times). And being fair, the site has a “depressing tone” in its own right.
Animals are a definite light in life.