I once decided to end my life at March 15. But then some things have turned upside down and I decided to live. But now, a month after that day, I decided to end my life too. Not now, I say, but soon. Soon. What I have in my mind is after my boyfriend and I’s anniversary, May 17. I just want to feel what it’s like to have a one year relationship. I just want to make him feel loved too, even for one last time. But if things goes out of planned, then maybe earlier. I just need to finish this school year, May 2. Then afterwards I can die. It’s just a shame that I won’t finish what I have started and this school year’s been tough, I just want to pay my hard works off. So maybe after that or the anniversary. But something within me screamed that I’m scared and I want to live longer. I was badly searching for reasons to live ever since that day, that day I decided to kill myself. I thought I have found it, but even if I found those reasons, there are a lot of obstacles trying to get them away from me. To the point that I’m nearly losing all my hopes. My parents have already lost hope upon me, so what’s the point of holding on unto mine right? But if I survived longer, if I found some reasons again to hold on, I will tell a tale of my survival again. I’m so lost right now and my parents have called me crazy and dramatic. Yeah, maybe I am what they called me to be. But it’s because of my anger to everything and everyone, including to myself. I can’t seem to save myself. That’s why I need to be saved. But how?