I once decided to end my life at March 15. But then some things have turned upside down and I decided to live. But now, a month after that day, I decided to end my life too. Not now, I say, but soon. Soon. What I have in my mind is after my boyfriend and I’s anniversary, May 17. I just want to feel what it’s like to have a one year relationship. I just want to make him feel loved too, even for one last time. But if things goes out of planned, then maybe earlier. I just need to finish this school year, May 2. Then afterwards I can die. It’s just a shame that I won’t finish what I have started and this school year’s been tough, I just want to pay my hard works off. So maybe after that or the anniversary. But something within me screamed that I’m scared and I want to live longer. I was badly searching for reasons to live ever since that day, that day I decided to kill myself. I thought I have found it, but even if I found those reasons, there are a lot of obstacles trying to get them away from me. To the point that I’m nearly losing all my hopes. My parents have already lost hope upon me, so what’s the point of holding on unto mine right? But if I survived longer, if I found some reasons again to hold on, I will tell a tale of my survival again. I’m so lost right now and my parents have called me crazy and dramatic. Yeah, maybe I am what they called me to be. But it’s because of my anger to everything and everyone, including to myself. I can’t seem to save myself. That’s why I need to be saved. But how?
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7 comments
Save yourself be a hero and save other’s how’s that!
I think you should hang on as long as you can. People certainly have their breaking point, but you sound able to go on. So you should.
Seriously, dont you think so? Surely you are here for a good reason, and all the suffering is what you came to experience, so it will leave its indelible impression on your soul which needs to evolve.
Unless you think there is nothing more to life, the universe and everything than just some huge lucky accident.
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy was a great book. It’s going to be the last thing that I read.
Do that while high on LSD.
Good luck. I’m beating you by a couple days. If there is some kind of unlikely afterlife then we could get ghost coffee sometime. It would be groovy.
How could I save you if I can’t save myself.
No!, please don’t do such! You are affected by your environment! Don’t base your decision on finding a reason to live on when such is the case. Your soul (you) KNOWS that! That’s why you heard it inside that you want to live longer. I know how you feel and it can seem so bad and no light shows up. But please know that things can change. Your parents are not supporting you I know this too. It’s crazy they call you crazy for how you feel. It can undermine your feelings and things appear hopeless. You sound completely normal, I’m sure you are a good person with soul and heart. Listen to your soul! Maybe get away, somewhere else. Life is not all smooth (one gotto learn to trust one’s gut to avoid unhealthy people) but there is decent people that will see you for who you are and you will feel better because you are not lost and feel understood. There is a whole new world opening up then.