i wish i can just die. like just die and go off. everything is too much to handle not because things are that hard it’s because i’m a coward. i’m just lazy. i eat, i panic then i eat. i want to fucking starve to fucking death but no i’m too lazy for that. i want to cut but i’m too lazy to clean after so i just end up sleeping. just sleeping and sleeping until my life goes away and my parents scream at me for not doing anything useful or helpful. i’m even lazy that i don’t finish my purge. how dumb is that?. started so many shows and movies as distractions but i cant no more. and a big holiday is coming up which means i have to dress up and go visit people and talk and it’s just too damn tiring. too fucking tiring. and i’d have to pretend it’s all fun and smile and make small talks. and they’ll ask about collage and i’ll have to say how nice and all. i fucking know how privileged i am and thats why i should die cuz no one like me deserves that much. i’m just a lazy ass ***** yeah. you dont have to tell me no and that all suffering is valid because in all honesty all suffering isn’t valid. i wish i can fucking take out my brain and smash it into endless pieces. living is for the strong and well i am the weakest of all.