As days go by

It’s just strange how one can go by life with not a care or thought to anything. Some days are better than others but none are good or even okay, I often wonder how I would end it all, a fine precision cut on each wrist, a walk along a motorway, god even a good old jump from up high crosses my mind from time to time. I’m lost in a void of nothing, time just goes by. days go by which dont even have names anymore, they are all the same, cold, lonely, full of self hate, craving for tha what I can’t have, not ever having anything go right.
I often wonder why I haven’t ended it yet, come to the same conclusion everytime, I need a perfect exit. Something with style, it has to be epic not to prove anyone anything but just to have one thing in life go right and to plan.
I don’t know if anyone really cares or not, if it’s just being polite or not, eitherway the world and it’s occupants mean nothing to me so why should I to them.
Being broken seems to be the norm, maybe im just now seeing that it was never any different. I crave love and family yet despise life and society. I want to be seen and at the same time don’t.
I want to talk but think who to? What for? Nobody fucking cares! What about?
I question my actual reality, lock myself inside of fear to being seen for what I am. A broken sad man with no hope, dreams, nobody and alone.