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i hug my pillow so i can sleep

by NotAnEdgyName

I feel like if i could love someone. save them from what im feeling right now. i could be ok.
every second of the day i wish i had someone to hug. im not lonely, im just upset that i cant love someone.
i have so much love to give, the only time im happy is when i make other people happy.
but nobody wants to let me love them because im a freak.
life is like the movie taxi driver. im in a constant dreamstate trying to choose between proving my masculinity with violence or heroic compassion towards a someone who needs me.
i need to be needed. otherwise i am useless.
i am so completely passive. i never complain about anything. anything at all. i walk it all off.
all i ever want to do is listen to other peoples problems and make them feel better.
but without that i am nothing. im worse than the zombies i see all around me.
at least the zombies have a purpose. i just float around and observe my life happening to me.
i hug my pillow because it feels like someone is there with me, and im comforting them.
its the only way i can sleep now.


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T3R3Z1 7/18/2019 - 10:11 pm

I do that too!
Everyone needs love. Without it you get worse until you can’t give any love. If I were you I’d be glad I’m not alone. You have friends? Talk to them about it.

evianwatre 7/19/2019 - 2:06 am

i feel you, love is so strange.

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