The circle continues. My mom attempted suicide 3 times as I watched when I was a child. My daughter killed herself in 2016. My grandmother was given shock treatment and learned to hide her pain. My sister self medicated herself to death and passes in 2013. I have tried, wellbutrin, zoloft, effexor, prozac, lexapro, depakote, lamictal, celexa, paxil, klonopin, xanax and some I have forgotten . Cant hold a job over 18 months when I begin to fall apart. Paranoid always thinking I am failing and everyone sees it. Beginning a new job next month and would rather die- literally! I dont want to leave my house at all. I have to work to help my husband pay for our house. Telling him I cant do this is devastating to me. I dont want to let him down. My remaining daughter attempted suicide when she lost her sister. It affects her 3 children. My daughter that did commit suicide had a little girl who is now being raised by a woman who says she is a polyamorous witch. I’m tired and dont want to do this anymore
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I’d suggest find a job you can walk in in your pajamas and act like you don’t give a f*ck and use next to no energy and still get paid. I’m 25, I planned to kill myself at 18. It’s no big deal for me to commit suicide and die because I’ve been an orphan my entire life and never had a real family. I never expected I’d have to ever work because I’d as well kill my self to avoid that then waste all that time doing odd jobs to buy the same old crap. However I have been holding down a job for two years but it means nothing to me. I basically have it so I can get money to afford the more expensive ways to commit, expensive rifles or pills, I suppose I am only working now because I failed my suicide attempt three years ago and haven’t attempted again (I swallowed 400 pills of something or other)