i was with K today, fun times.
it’s so easy to feel joy, that i don’t understand any reasons behind my feelings any longer. none of these emotions last, but when i feel needed for being focused on in a positive way, the since of belonging comes back. i’m scared of the joy escaping between my fingertips, however nothing stays the same way forever, neither pain or happiness.
i think they liked talking to me, being at school is truly rather fun to be in than to be stuck in a state of mind with myself arguing, telling myself different things that would eventually get me confused. i felt needed all over again, wonderful day.
i had a dream of being kissed on the lips last night, i saw the light, pink tint of raw pork shining through the plastic bag, the mixed scent of fast food restaurants. what i love about the world are coming back, actually, i wouldn’t say they came back, as they were there since the beginning, in one state or another, waiting to be found.
it’s not the ideas behind the world that i find beautiful, however i do find beauty in are the small components of what makes up the world i see, the crack in walls, vegetables and dipping isles from a grocery store, the form of sea creatures and so much more. i guess it is strange, the beauty exists between both man made products and the creation of nature, these things doesn’t exclude me as an outsider. only when i feel down and uninterested, i fail to sense beauty in them, they’re always there, their worth, however, are up to the observer to consider and preserve as anything meaningful.
i’m definitely getting better, as every second passes, for now i am not feeling anything, and that’s everything i’ve ever wanted in life.