So hey.
I’m not completely sure how to start this off. I’ve been on this site before. Clearly, I’m not better. Or else I wouldn’t be posting here yet again.
I’ve struggled with severe depression and anxiety since I was a child. I’m on medication once again. It helped for a short while..but it’s still here. It always was, I think I just wanted the medication to work so bad, that I tried so hard to block out the bad thoughts.
I’m not asking for sympathy.
I don’t know who I am. I’ve never loved anyone, but I crave to feel loved. My family doesn’t like me..that’s not a joke either. It’s true. My entire life, my siblings and I have been treated like trash. Second class compared to everyone..well..maybe lowest class. My dad wasn’t the best person, thus, my family deemed it our faults for existing.
I’m 21 now. Never loved, never felt love for another human being. I do my best to force myself to be happy..but I’m just not. The medication doesn’t work, therapy feels wrong..My romantic life is sad. I go for guys that don’t want me. I sleep with them, they want me..I don’t want them anymore. I feel like I don’t deserve it. I feel like I’m damaged goods. My entire life I’ve been treated that way, it’s hard not to live that way. I don’t have a purpose. I just exist. I don’t feel like I’m alive. Just existing. Floating in a void we call life. It feels wrong. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want the pain..the sadness.. it’s not worth it anymore. I’m alone. I’ve always been alone…and I feel so…empty. I think I’ve finally given up.
-CBH
1 comment
You know what.. love doesn’t exist really, or at least to a large amount of people. In this newest age, love has became to spread open your legs and sadly to say, I don’t think that will last. But it can be fun as a form of recreation.