I’ve come so far yet learned nothing.
Took a risk in hope to better my confidence. Failed to understand the simplest of obstacles. Isolated long enough to meet the stranger I see in the mirror, it stands with no emotion. My world is full of confusion, more of the same shit everyday.
My life if you can call it that. The purpose is to evolve and participate in modern society. Work, Love and Raise children. Everyone must contribute. I on the other hand have been left to my own perception, which is dangerous given you need others opinions to know right and wrong, to trust and deflect ideas. Pure loneliness has become my illness. I’m 25. I dont go out. I do everything alone. I save more money and only get to worry about myself, sounds good I guess. But if you cant get comfortable not having the attention from others than you will suffer in your own little world, that being my bedroom.
I don’t know how to live. I’m scared of what’s behind my bedroom door. I’m a slave to the unknown. I miss dating.. to be loved. To be looked at. To kiss and hold.
I’ve practice becoming the monster I fear the most because it’s all that I’ve ever felt..
It’s better to feel pain than to not feel at all.
My demons see this. They can smell how pathetic I am. They dont even bother.