Sometimes things feel like they’re going great.
Sometimes things feel like they’re pointless.
Sometimes I wake up ready to take on the world.
Sometimes I never want to awake at all.
I carry the burden for many people. Yet hardly have a voice of my own.
“Continue forward” I say.
“You’re doing great” I say.
“We slip, we fall. The farther down we go, the harder it seems to get back up. Keep pushing forward, I’ll be here for you” I say
“Stay strong and keep your head high. Even as you crawl, keep your head up and look forward” I say…
“I’m broken too” …
“I’m hurting as well” …
“Who is there for me?” …
“Can you help me?” …
Words I can never express. Many people around me are broken and I reach my hand out to them and carry them. Yet, where’s the one for me?
This facade. Joking. Smart remarks. Encouragement. This facade to hide the deepest of my pains. To hide the demons that tear my soul open as I sit here to put a smile on your face. To encourage him. To be strong for her. This facade.
Sometimes, I break down and cry when I’m alone.
Sometimes, I scream in anger when I’m alone.
Sometimes, I want it all to end.
For those 2 most precious little ones I live on. But for how long?
They bring me so much joy, yet the ones who conceived them bring so much torment. My 2 most precious ones are used as barbed swords to stab and mutilate my every essence.