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ENDing it

by 15andfuckedup

I want to thank this website where I could write my last words and the thoughts that I couldn’t share with anyone else. But now the water has gone above my head, I’m drowning and my head hurts. After a long time, I’m able to make a decision without the interruption of the constant conflict that was running in my head. And I did try everything I could… I told my brother, my best friend, this website and the helpline guy (and they must’ve tried to bring me back) but I think the toxicity inside of me was just too much for anyone to erase it. So I guess it’s my job now to erase myself, once and for all. I’m not having any regrets, guilt or remorse. I just know that by doing this, I would start an eternity of happiness for everyone else (maybe me myself). And yes, in case you’re wondering what if I survived and this just becomes an attempt, then don’t worry cause no matter how fucked up I was, I had one gift… I was good in math (yeah, I get it, not many people are good in math, but no matter how random it seems, I was good in math) so I’ve made all the calculations and the conclusion is that there’s no way that I would survive once I jump off the roof of my building. So yeah, that’s my ‘way out’. And yes, I’d be better off dead, laying in that coffin, just me with silence, just me resting in peace… How good that’d be… Getting silence at last… Anyways, I do have a little advice for you (even if it’s fucked up) that if you have kids then try to talk to them if they seem suicidal… Although you wouldn’t be able to cause the only time you’d know that they’re suicidal would be when they are dead and as of 2020, the living can’t really speak to the dead so you know keep blaming yourselves for your kid’s death but the truth is she died cause it was her choice… You might’ve brought her up for the last 15 years but you couldn’t control her thoughts or likewise, her life. (Mind you, I’m not blaming my fam or anyone so don’t get into that) So yeah, I’mma stop right there, my words and my heart.

7 comments
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7 comments

J Doe 4/16/2020 - 1:42 am

Don’t do it. Probably doesn’t mean much coming from someone on here, but don’t jump off your roof.

J Doe 4/16/2020 - 1:43 am

I’m sorry you’re in pain. But don’t do it.

J Doe 4/16/2020 - 1:44 am

I’m sorry you’re in pain. But don’t do it.

Abnormal.Thoughts 4/16/2020 - 9:46 am

I hope we see you again, it’s fucked up, life is in general, but if you see this and you haven’t jumped yet, there can be good too.

a1957 4/16/2020 - 11:10 am

If there was ever a way to get yourself working in a room full of people who think in mathematics, the noise in your head would go down 10 raised to the -1 and then with decent pay a therapist could help you put a long lasting -10db filter for that most awful racket. Telling my own story.

Nobear 4/16/2020 - 11:34 pm

Today is a good day to die

Itscolourlife 4/26/2020 - 4:51 pm

I want to stop you.. but its selfish to said that cause even for me
Death is a gift
So let me just play this song for you
“Billie Eilish – Listen Before I Go”
Hope you find peace and if you are back here again
I will always ready to say “Welcome back, we miss you”

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