I don’t get it, why do I keep screwing up everything and everyone. I pissed off the last person who (maybe) gave a shit about me. I’ve known her since a long time. We remained close friends for most of that time. A couple months ago she asked me why can’t I be normal just like everyone else. Idk but this question made me think that she was just like everyone with whom I’ve ever shared my problems with or put my faith in. So I did what I do best… I pushed her away thinking that she was no longer able to deal with my fucked up thoughts, which makes sense as she was the last one to go before I was all alone. However, a couple days back she checked on me despite the fact that I broke our friendship. So I told her everything, and then suddenly one day, I realized that by telling her everything, I became vulnerable to her. Something had to be done now. So I initiated the conversation and eventually insulted her the best way I could. Okay, this is confusing. She used to listen to me before but as for the last couple days, whenever I spoke with her, she gave me a sympathetic reply and blabbed about how so many other people have sufferings more genuine and worse than me. I did feel hurt cause I didn’t expect this from her, especially not when I needed her the most. So I ignored her until yesterday as she asked what was wrong. And that something had to be done now… I said shit about her and blocked her. Now as much as I hate myself for doing so, I hate people like her who support you at first and then when things get a bit intense, they don’t care anymore, leaving our thoughts to air out.