I can’t rlly say that the thoughts are back but im starting to think abt it again. The second I realize im happy bam its all gone. Because these thoughts just start creeping back. Im really enjoying this time by myself which makes me want to disappear even more. Because I’ve actually realized how much I love being by myself. And I just I don’t know I still want to disappear. like i am happy i am but i don’t know if im truly happy that’s the thing. I don’t know if im just telling myself im happy so i can fake it till i make it? i just still don’t understand why i feel this way.
i really like this photo tho idk why i feel like it speaks to me. which doesn’t even make any sense but yea that’s just how i feel with this photo. even tho i don’t want to keep going which is what’s ironic.
i feel like i try to act all happy bc i know my friends are tired of hearing me speak about these. especially that i don’t really have anything to “complain” about. but i don’t understand this either. my friend told me to go to therapy but how do i tell my parents that. they wouldn’t bother listening. they care for me but just think im being a silly teenager. so i will just keep my mouth shut and just keep telling myself im happy. when deep down inside when i check im not happy at all. but whatever fake it till ya make it 😉
Also i would like to make new friends so if anyone wants to comment and hit me up feel free i have nothing else to do anyway 🙂
1 comment
Hello,
You mention that you feel as if you are putting on an act in an attempt to seem “happy” to your friends and family. I can imagine how exhausting and draining that may feel. You also mention that your friend has expressed to you that therapy may be a good option for you. I can understand the frustration you may feel in thinking that your parents wouldn’t bother listening to you or just play it off as you being a “silly teenager”. However, you also said that they care for you. If you decided that you would like to talk to your parents about going to therapy, it can be helpful to approach the conversation by planning out what you would like to say first. It is going to be important to tell your parents the necessary information of why you would like to attend therapy. However, you don’t have to go into full details. It could be as simple as, “I’ve been feeling down in the dumps a lot recently, do you think that I could see a professional so I have someone to talk to about it?”.
Understand, that their response to you bringing up this conversation may or may not be how you would like them to respond immediately. Recognize that while this might be a feeling that you have been experiencing and noticing for a while, this may come as a surprise to your parents. In this situation, it could be helpful to let them know that you understand this might be new and confusing to them because they may see you laugh and act happy with your friends but that this is not how you are feeling on the inside.
Going into the conversation with an easy going and open mind can help keep the conversation calm and collected. Keep the intense emotions out of the conversation so that way you are able to verbalize exact what it is that you would like to say to your parents. If you become angry and lash out during the conversation, your parents may latch onto that.Strong emotions can sometimes take away from the message. It might be helpful to think of some coping strategies to help keep you calm and regulated before you go into the conversation.
If you need more idea of how to approach this situation, I would be more than willing to brainstorm with you 🙂