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The White Light

by lilsuicideangle007

They say the white light is something you see before death, before entering heaven. I don’t think that because if that where true then why have I seen this bright light 100 times before in my life. Every-time I say I’m not hungry, I’m just really cold, I’m tired. My head hurts with nothing to do but let my thoughts roam free. Being locked up in the same house not being able to see the people who make me the happiest. Life isn’t a trap the way you look at it is. I wonder why after all I’ve done, all the pain I’ve caused myself and my family, the tragedy that I’ve dealt with at just the age of 5. Why I was given a second chance. Not seeing that white light was weird. The white light is like a curse seeing because every-time i see it is when I start to hear ringing in my ears I lose my breath and I get light headed, then I hit the floor. I’ve been under too much of societies standers it’s killing me slowly. Everyday I’m hoping it will be my last and that everyone won’t have to worry about me anymore. I need change in my life but I have nothing to change in it. Everything is okay. I want to say great but with and alcoholic crippled father and a mother who will ignore you any chance she gets. Everyday the suicidal thoughts run through my head like it’s going to end me. End me, what an odd fraise but yet so honest in the shittiest time in this world in this life! I hate myself for everything. I’m too fat, too ugly, too stupid, not enough. It’s all too known to me at such a young age. Wondering how long until I see that White Light again.

– That girl

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