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Okay

by sadspock

My tests say that I show extreme Alexithymia traits. Is that actually a thing? I don’t know. I don’t care about/for anyone. I just don’t give a fuck. I’m an awful person to even begin with. If you showed me a video of a child getting sawed, I’d stand stock-still. But if you showed me a video of an animal being abused, I’d flinch at a stroke. I don’t fucking understand myself. I hate humans. You could come to me crying, and I’d ask you to just fuck it and nothing more. I can’t help you with your emotional needs ‘cause I don’t relate. I haven’t truly loved anyone in all my life, and that’s just scary. I’m more in my head than in my heart. I don’t know if this is a boon or a bane. It’s like a two-edged sword, really. It’s just sad. Imagine ending up all alone because of this attribute… I don’t have a problem with that, but it’s funny I can’t have the normal things that normal people have. Can you believe that I’ve never felt butterflies in my stomach? I can never be okay.

They say tHe mEaNinG oF liFe iS lOvE, but what’s the meaning of my life when I don’t even love myself?

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4 comments

boskobay 7/23/2020 - 2:06 pm

Hi I just wanted to let you know although I can’t relate totally with your situation 100%. I can tell you that you are not alone! I can describe and identify my emotions and its not all its cracked up to be. I too don’t love myself and its not because I can’t feel love… I also hate humans and what we have become 🙁

sadspock 7/23/2020 - 4:22 pm

I hate everything. I just wanna die.

boskobay 8/16/2020 - 12:06 pm

I can relate…

a1957 7/23/2020 - 11:20 pm

The O/P is referring to a sensation reportedly felt in the stomach when nervous excitement is felt in the stomach in connection with such things as a new love interest or the moments leading up to giving a speech. I am not familiar Alexithymia.

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