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I’m scared

by fakingit

I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship

I want out but I also don’t

It’s become to familiar

For 3 years that’s all I’ve known

But what’s worse is that the old me is slipping away I’m trying to get that back

I reminisce on the friends I’ve had here

How I used to be important to them

Now I’m not much of anything

Same with friends in real life

They really all do leave me

I don’t like who I am anymore

I’m miserable

I’m a terrible mom

I’m a terrible person

I’m horrid

I haven’t been suicidal in a while

But…it’s lingering again and I’ve never been more scared

I thought I moved on

But I’m drinking and popping pills again to numb my mind

I’ve thought about throwing myself over my 3rd floor balcony

I just can’t handle it

I’m so sick of feeling unwanted and alone and feeling like I have no one

I’m exhausted

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Abnormal.Thoughts 7/11/2020 - 1:08 am

I just want to say that you aren’t alone. I feel much the same and it’s tough. Life is absolutely a roller coaster, it sounds like you’ve been up and down a few times, but it will go up again. That’s the only reason I can figure that we keep holding out. There is alway something around the corner, especially being a parent. Being there for all the major life events of a child is amazing, and there is no doubt that you make a difference in their life.
Sadly, friends don’t seem to be the lifelong relationships I always thought they were growing up, I guess you have to meet new people along the journey.
The serious part, if you are in an abusive relationship you should try and get out, you don’t need to have added stress when you are already trying to cope with severe depression.

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