I don’t know what gives. I put the gun to my head and get a rush of peace and euphoria that I want to ride out before I pull the trigger.. Then it stops and I go again, yet there’s that urge to ride that wave of temporary peace… It’s the best feeling. The cold metal against my skin, the weight in my hand, the rush… In the moments near death I feel the most alive… And I’m addicted to it. Knowing with 3 lbs of pressure it could all end. It brings a smile to my face in a way nothing else does.