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Sometimes I question whether my life’s worth living

by Thorium 232

It’s not as bad as it was before but there is never a week that goes by without me questioning whether I’m even worth anything to anyone around me. For a time I truly believed that I wasn’t worth anything and that I was a nuisance to everyone around me and that the world didn’t need me. I’ve seen all these online articles about how the world needs you when you’re questioning your worth but during this time I felt that the world would have been better off without me as that would’ve been one less resource sucking carbon-emitting sack of organic molecules. I’ve heard from others like my parents that I’m not a nuisance, but it’s kind of hard to take something like that in from my parents since they are partially responsible for why I’m suffering from emotional numbness and depression. I’ve heard people argue that the world would be a much different place without me, but the science part of my brain argued that the world will continue spinning on its axis and revolving around the sun without stopping, slowing or altering in any way, meaning that the world as a whole will still be the same, whether or not I disappear. When you have that kind of perspective it’s pretty hard to even take in ideas like how the world will be different without you. Usually, you see something positive at the end posts like these, but I’m just too depressed at the moment to say anything positive or reassuring to anyone reading this, so I’m sorry in advance.

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3 comments

niki 7/4/2020 - 1:35 am

Yeah I can relate

Anonymous 7/5/2020 - 5:22 am

I know how you feel and I think on the same level as you to be honest. I was asked awhile back if I was happy and it kind of made me laugh a little because I forgot what happy felt like. I stored it so far back in my mind it I don’t think I’d be able to find it again if I tried. I’ve been so numb for years now that when I’m told bad news about something it doesn’t bother me because I’m used to it by now. If something is going good in my life, then something worse has to happen. It’s as if Karma is always against me. I just wanted to say I feel your pain and hope you’re having a good day.

LJL9345 7/16/2020 - 10:26 am

Ya, that’s totally true. I have no idea what happiness is. I mean, I’ve tried to kill myself at least 5 times these past few years. People have asked me over and over if I am feeling suicidal, and I want to laugh in their face. Of course I am. Nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change. Instead, I just say no and change it to a different subject. I feel like I’m worthless, unimportant, and stupid. I’m a waste of space. One day, I don’t know when, I’ll have enough courage to finally put me out of my misery.

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