I was trying so immensely to have ONE positive day once in a while. It worked for like 5 hours and then my head started to make up the worst possible scenarios again. And I overspilled with my words AGAIN. Nobody wants to hear my thoughts.
I’m starting to think I have mania, I’m going crazy man. I could pick up a school bus with this overflow of energy. And I can’t sleep. I could not f@cking sleep for days. I’m a sound sleeper, that’s extremely unusual to me.
I thought I was okay for today, I really did think so. But then there was nobody to talk to at all. I even spoke to people I don’t necessarily like. Yesterday at night someone set a trash bin on fire outside. It was bright orange and it looked beautiful, not going to lie. Police was already in the neighborhood, as usual. I took some cool photos. Something happened in my life, I need to tell pe- ..oh, wait. Nobody cares, right..
Apparently it’s a holiday or something, so everyone’s busy and I don’t care about that bullsh@t. My friend asked me, if I was going to put up a real or plastic tree. Try neither. I can’t fit that monster into my flat.! My friends all have beautiful houses. The only dance I have space for at home, is to spin around myself. My friends have a great life. Mine is filled with an occasional illegal bonfire in front of my home. Jealousy is a nasty thing for sure.
Anyway, I just flipped out on my friend, just for having a great day, while I was a lonely potato. I think I need to hurt myself again… I can’t stand this life anymore. I keep dropping silent suicidal bombs around everyone and nobody cares. I feel so unwanted and so.. wrong. Happy holidays to you dear reader…