This day was a rollercoaster of good and bad. In me trying to find sense in other people’s actions. I did okay. But you know what.? It took me the whole day, but there’s no fucking sense to be found. People are just assholes, end of story.!
“You should totally get that app or social media, I’ll love you for it, but secretly I just want you to like my posts and share my own mind in my staged-as-fuck stories. Oh, did you see my many gifts I wrapped for aaaaall of my many friends, look how fortunate I am. Oooh, what did you get for Christmas.? Oh, socks that’s so… haha, pathetic. No, dude I so didn’t see the things you wrote in the group chat, don’t you understand, that the word ‘read’ needs to actually be there, so I have taken a few seconds out of my day, to listen to you.? Oh, don’t be like that, I only come here to talk to important people and give a thumbs up to every single pic of that one hashtag I like.”
I actually feel like, this is the perfect impersonation of every friend on social media. I don’t understand, how others enjoy this.? Are they all masochistic jerks.? Like damn, a few days there feed my depression worse than any form of lifelong gluttony ever could.
My group had something important to talk about so I unfreezed my account, only to be ignored then. Thing is, you can only deactivate it once every week. That’s a long-ass time to be painfully made aware, that nobody really cares if you get, what they wanted you to get.
I got really close today to post something really risky, divided into a few levels of inappropriateness. Either a very mellow depression quote and maybe a corny black and white picture OR straight up post a story with something suicide related and old faded scars on your arms. (So basically my very normal start of the week.)
Imagine them tapping on my first ‘story’ ever and then seeing something like THAT. I’m not going to lie, I would love to see their faces lit up like: “Wait.! Are you telling me, they’re depressed.?! That one person, who always acts so friendly and talks so much.? I don’t get this at all. Kinda pathetic to post it out here for anyone to see. Geez I’ve had so much fun with my pointless shit, that they’ve ruined now.. I should just pretend I didn’t see this and- oooh, Kylie brought out a new rouge palette to contour my fake nose blush.! (Seriously what is that.?) Liked and shared.<3 #SoCheap her last blush was like 80$, now it's only 70$ and this one looks sooo different from the last one."
Am I the only one who sees people all around me like these phony’s, who only care about their own needs and more so WANTS.? It’s so tiresome to see the youth in this vortex, treating someone popular like a god/goddess and treat their friends like dogshit. My friend had the nerve to show up today out of nowhere after a few years and say: “I think we had a misunderstanding, that’s why we stopped talking.” Uhm, no. You were always gone for weeks and when you did return, you didn’t even know what we both last talked about, while having time to post 5 pictures on instagram daily and reply to every comment there.
My point is, that I can see the need of people wanting to appear perfect on these sites, while inside of them they are so rotten, not even maggots want to fill up on that. But it’s not for me and I think it shouldn’t be for anyone. Okay, I get that I shouldn’t overanalyze a bottomless pit for it to become a whole castle of deceit. But I guess I can’t just start to follow blindly into this concept of endless comparison to other people’s lives, just like being a follower to their accounts.
But for real though. Being a follower isn’t the creepy dude in the alley at night anymore or the one, where you follow someone’s messed up beliefs into a cult. How did that word get so messed up in meaning.? Although at this point calling them ‘friends’ just like normal sites will let you do, isn’t true in that realm.
I guess I have to thank SP for letting me rant about this, where people won’t get upset about it. (At least I hope, you’re not all hardcore social media butterflies…) Thanks for not making me post something before bed, that no one will unsee.! Just gotta breathe through Wednesday, to lay my account on ice again, so that I won’t be able to do something impulsive. Oh and:
<3 Virus.Found tagged you in this picture, which shows people, that are still alive this week.