i feel so conflicted about everything. this shit fucking sucks. it’d be nice if a meteor would come crashing into my room. why? why are things like this? happiness is just some stupid momentary concept and then we are all back to a fucking shitty depressing state. how pathetic. i really hate myself. my mind feels all over the place. it’s like i’m some piece of paper that’s been scribbled all over and torn apart. fucking weak. so self doubting. disgraceful. shameful. so conflicted. so alone. i can’t take this anymore. i cant even pretend like everything is okay anymore. it hurts. it hurts so much. i don’t even feel alive. it’s always the same cycle. fuck this. i want to end my life. i want to be free. i don’t want to be alone. but i know i’ll die a lonely pathetic death. and soon people’s memories of me will fade away. i’ll be forgotten. unmemorable. dead. i want my heart beat to be silent.