i really feel so conflicted right now. part of me just wants to get this over with and not drag it out any longer and another part of me wants to live another week to see if life can get a little better in that short span. i really don’t know anymore. why am i holding onto false hope? every time i feel hopeful it just ends with a negative outcome. i’m so tired and drained. i really don’t know what to do anymore. i’m so lost.