I went to the hospital to see if my thoughts for not existing are true and one thing i remember is a theripist there told us we are the ceo of ourselves so that means we can close up and shutdown when we want to and then i was helping someone to pay for rent and he got mad because i wasnt right in the head at the time and i kept fantasizing about putting my neck in the saw blade so i stopped to try to fix my head space (the stuff being cut wasnt needed for another month and it would only take an hour max) he told me its his business what happens and nobody elses so i thought my life is my business and nobody elses