My life has been a living hell since my mother died in my arms during our camping trip this past august. Then december hit and another bombshell hit me. My father sexually assaulted my son while i was either at work or sleeping when i got home from work. Been stuck in limbo with court. As well as finding a place for me and my kids to live. I wasnt financially prepared for this move. Both sides of the family turned their backs on me and my kids because of what my father did. My friends have deserted me because they wanna live happy drama free lives and i was ruining it with my problems. So me and my kids are now stayin in a homeless shelter. And they too have treated us like garbage. Food and drink is a hit or miss. Winter and pandemic have made it hard to go anywhere just for a sit down. Being with no car, taking a bus takes us forever to get to our destination. The fact that i have lost everything and everyone, has made me see death as an escape from this hell im living. Im cold hungry thirsty stressed sad depressed and lonely. But if i kill myself i wont have all that baggage mentally hurting me daily. Nor will i ever have to worry about where to sleep or go. The shelter therapist keeps tellin me to hang on and im like for what? Theres nothing there anymore. And dont use the fact that im a parent as a reason not to be free. Ive battled myself for 3 decades. And ive battled other people for 2 decades. I deserve to be at peace. I havent had a break in so long and no specialists have ever been able to help or cure or even distract me from these thoughts. Living is a punishment for me, i dont belong here, why cant they see that?!