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HOW do we get out of this depression sinkhole we’re in?

by eternaldarkness

What is the key to our depression? Is it that we just need the following:

-self-love
-self confidence
-self acceptance
-basic needs (housing, food, steady income, etc)
-someone who really knows us, and loves us, despite how fucked up we are

If that’s the case (for me), then HOW in the fuck do I get get back self love, self confidence, and self acceptance? I used to have confidence and didn’t hate myself in the past. But now it’s all gone to sh*t and I hate how I haven’t been able to do a damn thing due to my depression and lack of self confidence and lack of will to live and better myself and my life.

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darkwillow 1/19/2021 - 10:36 pm

I think self acceptance and confidence will come with self love.

It’s easiest to love yourself when you look at yourself from an outside perspective. We trend to brutally judge ourselves.. but with others, we have a fair and compassionate view.

Try looking at yourself from an outside perspective.

But I don’t know. It’s rare for people to love themselves. I guess it starts with understanding and forgiveness

eternaldarkness 1/22/2021 - 12:04 pm

Wise words, but…

How do I gain self love? Idk how to. Been searching for my entire life to love myself and to gain confidence and self acceptance.

How do I look at myself from an outside perspective? That would mean distancing myself from me, which means not feeling the emotions I feel. It’s the crazy emotions that I can’t deal with, that clouds my judgement. The depression is what stops me from doing stuff I need/should do.

heartlessviking 1/20/2021 - 12:23 am

honestly; confidence and self love are part of the individualist propaganda that is used to justify the lack of support or empathy that society provides. So long as it is YOUR job to love yourself, everyone else can treat you awfully and you either take it or leave, it’s voluntary right?

I don’t know why we give people hope. I think that homeless shelters should greet people with; “for 90% of people, this is the most regular they will ever eat” and there should be signs on the wall of every daycare saying; “All downhill from here buddy, get with the program.”

I was an idealist, then for a long time I tried to be a realistic helper of others, until I came to the ultimate conclusion that no one cares. They like to say they care, because it is hard to admit that you are 100% okay with addicts, poor people, junkies and other outcasts just succumbing to their injuries. That’s the effect, of the actual. No one likes that bit so we pretend there’s hope. Where? When? There isn’t and we all know it.

If you are alive and happy, you’re choosing to forget. If you are alive and unhappy, you probably have at least a moderately clear understanding of how screwed up everything really is.

fxd45tsp 1/21/2021 - 4:41 pm

Your view on life is so… brutal… raw… Have you ever though of writing a book? To bring those non-depressed commoners into reality. The reality that is crushing us. And flood this websites with new users. Can you imagine if this was thaught in school? Human population would go down because of suicides. You can bet that society would suddenly care because of possible human extinction.

eternaldarkness 1/22/2021 - 12:11 pm

fxd45tsp- Would it be that bad if human population were to dwindle? Personally, I think humans are terrible for the environment/Earth.

heartlessviking- yes, those who are depressed are those whose eyes are open to all the shit in this world, and those who are happy are either ignorant or willfully ignorant to it, which is how they can remain happy. Unfortunately for us, we see all the sad, depressing shit out there. -_-

fxd45tsp 1/27/2021 - 11:00 am

Sorry for the delay in answering. Had pressing “issues” to deal with. Well, bottom line, we are still animals. Just with 2 hands and greater intellect. But at the core, still animals. Anything living kills to survive (eating at the minimum). So really, we are not much different than wild animals. If I need food, I go to the grocery store. But someone else had to kill something so I could survive.

What is sad is that we do are capable (as a race) of greater things with our brain and 2 hands. Most of the people here are aware that they got hurt (or lack the will to do anything like me). So we are self-conscious, very much self-aware. Probably much more than “common folks”. We may not have the ability to do so. And our existing society does not allow this either (or at least makes it brutally difficult). An animal usually does not question its own existence. Not like we do. And the animals that do, they go mad, insane, or just give up. Just like that penguin that walks into the distance to certain death (one of the article I submitted some time ago). Maybe he was alone, unable to find a mate and could not endure this loneliness? Or maybe living in a colony with constant noise and feces was too much? He just understood what he was and gave up on life. If you go on youtube, there are other examples of animals committing suicide. They understand what they are. And once facing the truth, they take appropriate action of their own free will. There is not a passing moment everyday that I do not struggle with this. A constant slug fest which I keep getting beat up.

Sure, the planet probably would be better without humans. But could also be better if we acted in the best interests of others, not just in ourselves. Maybe our true role as human beings is to be protectors, guardians of this planet, against any danger. And in acting in such a way, all life would flourish under our actions, be it plants, insects, animals, etc. We could use our intellect and 2 hands to protect and restore endangered species. We could build defenses against natural disasters, preserving all life. But we choose not to.

We live in a society guided by fiat currency (called mistakenly money by most people). I value truth above all else, regardless if it hurts or not. Truth is reality, lies transform reality into illusions. But illusions always get dispelled at some point. Learn the monetary system. This will floor you. And will answer most questions afterwards about how our society has been set up. If you are interested, I can assist/point you in the right direction. But I must warn you: that truth will anger and depress you on a whole new level. But it is truth and always preferable than lies. No one can escape reality, even if it is twisted into an illusion.

There is a line I will not cross. It is not because I think humans are a plague (currently) that I will take any action to correct this (as in murder, genocide, etc). I will not hurt anyone (well not willfully) and will feel regret/remorse if I do. I feel sad if I have to kill an insect that mistakenly entered my apartment (hence I always try so let them out to the best of my abilities). I will not add pain, there is enough going around. But if I ever lose this concept, this way of thinking, I will expedite my exit plan with immediate and extreme prejudice. All I have left about myself is considering I am a good person (or at least try to act in such a way). And I will not allow this to change, at any cost, regardless of the consequences to myself.

Once 1/20/2021 - 10:38 am

I read a definition of depression in a self help book that defined depression as being caused by trauma and the resulting fear. The two leave one simply unable to act in one’s own best interest. Like a child dreaming of a shiny new toy, but who has no idea how to acquire it. As to how this is a key to depression, I look at my story and see my parents crushing every dream I ever had, along with reminding me every chance they got that I was a disappointment to them, which is what their parents did to them. Had things been different…who knows where I’d be posting today. It’s possible that had my childhood experience been nurturing, things would be different. I can see my own potential…through an impenetrable fog of self doubt and fear, so there it sits…taunting me.

I’ve done the work. It hasn’t fixed anything, only made me more aware of the cancer that’s slowly killing me. For 30 years,
I’ve prayed, recited mantras, meditated, talked to shrinks counselors and clergy, healthy diets and exercise, watched sunsets and ocean waves, journaled volunteered and “faked it in the hopes of making it” (really love that useless bit of optimist trash) and I’ve never wanted to die more than at this time.

Depression isn’t fixable. At best, it’s “manageable.” It requires constant attention and a willingness to pretend. If “faking it till you make it” isn’t just a child’s game of fantasy and dreaming, nothing is.

fxd45tsp 1/21/2021 - 4:35 pm

Well, for my opinion, and in my case (note that I am even more depressed than ever). It started by discovering who I truly was. And for this, I had to be truthful on a zealous level. No more lies about myself. No more illusion, just the truth, no matter how soul crushing. I just did not expect them to be that soul crushing…

No, I cannot accomplish everything I put my mind to. No, I will never be a stud even if I worked out like a madman. No, I am not very intelligent. No, I do not have the will to complete anything. And no, I do not have the energy or will to change, even if the opportunities presented themselves. Even after understanding who I am. So after this realization:

-self acceptance: I accept myself as I am. I sure do not like it but I am who I am. No use in lying to myself anymore.

-self confidence: I now know what I can and cannot accomplish. And will give up once a certain line is reached. That is who I am. Hence will never attain any greatness.

-self-love: Well cannot love myself for what I am. Common folks might simply say: why not put the effort into improving yourself? Because of who I am, the part with no will to do anything. Yep, that part. Now, if you do not love yourself, others will not love you. Assuming they are capable of love themselves. And if you mention to them you are depressed, they might consider you weak and despise you even more.

-basic needs (housing, food, steady income, etc): Provides survival but nothing more. Sure, eating while you are hungry provides some temporary comfort.

-someone who really knows us, and loves us, despite how fucked up we are: Good luck with that one. I mean, people will go “explore others” because they have “better body parts”. You really think these peoples are capable of having true connections with others? Now, if you were to encounter a partner that was in the same situation as you, that would probably be better. Although not sure how a depressed individual could comfort another depressed individual. But at least, they would be an understanding better both of them. A respect. And that would probably create a strong relation better the two people.

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