I shouldn’t have made it this far

Well I am 45. Should have left when I was mid-20’s but I guess my body was too tough. While people are dying in wars, famine, disease, murder, I am still plodding along, beating the odds. I am overweight (eating unhealthy amount of junk foods, foolishly assuming that healthy amounts actually exists), trying to numb myself. I am staying the hell away from drugs though. I would be too addicted and since I am a cheap bastard…. I guess my cheapness has its uses. And still, no heart attack or cancer. I know people that have already died much younger than me leading healthier lives (which really is not difficult compared to mine). Just mind blowing. I guess my body just refuses to give up biologically. If the movies Saw were real, I would definitively be “chosen” as a particpant. But fear not, there is hope. With the s**t show that was 2020, 2021 should be much worse. Great things to look forward to! Hope this helps. It sure is helping me. Note that I do have dark humor (and probably some “slight, barely noticeable” derangement). Happy New Year and best of luck to all of us! But seriously (pushing my dark humor and definitively unwelcomed derangement aside), one of my supervisors used to tell me: “Baby steps man, baby steps”.