FAMILY

Hi. Googling what I feel and suddenly found this blog. This is good. Perhaps it can be my safe place. Been searching for that for a while. I’m 26 y/o this year. In November 2018, I get into a huge fight with my parents and decide to run away from my house. At first, I stay at my friend’s house. But after considering too many things since I’m a female and my friend has a brother, I found a house to rent. So until Aildilfitri 2019, I finally came home. One of the reasons because my father has been calling me since my cousin dies in an accident. After that, CoVid happened. So sometimes I stay at my parents’ house and sometimes I stay at my rental house. Until this year, I decided to stay at my parents’ because they kinda ask me to stay with them and move to our new house. But little did I know, I regret my decision. My father keeps pushing me to get married, when I am single – have no boyfriend and have no interest to get married yet. And my mother – sometimes she would talk and some other times she would ignore me by having silent treatment. This reminds me why I run from my parents before, I want to run from this toxicity. After I finish my study in early January, I get a job in February with my friend’s help. After a few months, I keep coming home late because I work in the accounting department – “closing” time especially. My parents keep thinking that I spend my money with my friends when I am working overtime without being paid since I am a contract worker – trainee. They keep asking me for money which I didn’t give to them. Because I’ve been holding grudges to them – been eating Maggi every single day because I don’t have enough money to spend during my study. And now when I move back to my family, I change. I give them money and treat them to restaurants every month. But somehow I don’t think that’s enough. They keep comparing me. And saying things that hurts me. I can’t even share my problem with them. Every time I talk, they would argue with me – saying things like I’m stupid or I make a wrong decision. Which is sucks because I just need a shoulder to lean on. I don’t know what should I do anymore. I regret moving in. I should just stay there. Perhaps no one gonna understands why I am holding a grudge but yeah, family problem is complicated. I can’t ask anyone to understand since no one in my shoes. But I just want to let it out. Never tell this story to my friend because I don’t want to be claimed as a “anak derhaka” 🙂