I didn’t want to get up today so I took a Xanax and went back to bed. My ex-wife still wants to be in my life and she is the one who broke me and she can’t understand why I am so filled with pain. Maybe its because she is bipolar and probably more screwed up than me. Still here I am getting texts, calls and random visits from her and I let her. She was chronically suicidal for years and Me and our kids didn’t know from one day to the next whether she would live or die. Now she wonders that about me but she fucking caused it. If she came over right now and said lets lay down and die together I would in a heartbeat. Am I messed up or what? Thats my new dream and her being bipolar makes it all to real. I would never ask her though because Its something I just couldn’t do. This pain is so great right now that I am trying to move 3000 miles away to get away from her and here. I feel like Im not going to make it if I don’t.
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4 comments
You’re not messed up, you’re hurting. It sounds like if her behavior continues, a restraining order might be necessary. If not that, then a change of location (which you’re heavily considering from what I understand) would be extremely beneficial for the both of you. From what you’ve described, at least the behavior you’ve described, tells me that she is unable to let go. Her having contact with you isn’t going to help her get any closer to acceptance. Similar to death, when a person deals with a breakup, divorce, etc. there is a grieving period. It sounds like she is currently dealing with denial. I hope things work out for you. You’re in a lot of pain, and that’s completely valid. It’s okay to hurt.
I don’t think neither of us want to let go but there is just too much pain between us right now. She isn’t violent like she used to be years ago so I don’t need a restraining order now lol. I have to talk to her tomorrow about taking a break from her for awhile. Its probably not going to be any fun.
Xans are bad and you shouldn’t take them. One time I took an entire bottle and got really really sick. It was bad. Couldn’t ever imagine taking one or anything like it ever again. Why don’t you have a couple beers on a weekend or something instead. Become an over the road truck driver and make a lot of money and always be gone. I like being home so I’m a home every night guy but the full time on the road guy is great when you need to get away. And it’s not like a big move that’s super scary. Just some of my thoughts.
Taking a whole bottle of anything is bad. I like Xanax and only take 2 at the most a day right now. The problem is when it runs out. Thats bad. I haven’t drank in 20 years because Im an alcoholic. I have thought about OTR driver but I have drove so much my life that I really hate driving anymore. But it is a job and most people hate their jobs anyway. Im still thinking about it.