I’m having a hard time lately. Dropped a bomb on my best friend of 7 years that I had feelings for her. We talked extensively every night afterwards for a couple months. Broke up with her boyfriend, gave me JUST ENOUGH to stay optimistic and now she’s with my friend because she feels that he is the one. I only want what’s best for her and so I brought up my friend (E) to my best friend (D) and they went on their first date yesterday. I don’t know what I was thinking but I did it to myself. I bought a genesis coupe before I dropped the bomb to show her that I can provide things that would make us both happy but also for myself, I have wanted one since 2016 REALLY BAD. Now I feel lonesome every time I’m in this car and it makes me want to off myself where I can never be found and I just don’t know what to do. The car still brings me joy to be in, I feel like I’m driving it for the first time, every time. But there is a strong underlying loneliness every time I’m in it and I can’t shake it. Ive felt that way for 5 days. I’ve been through much worse, but I’ve never felt this alone before. I don’t want to breathe, I don’t even want to feel joy, I just want to suffer in silence, but I figured since this is anonymous I can see what happens now that I’ve shared this. If I feel better, I’ll add an edit below.