I’m having a hard time lately. Dropped a bomb on my best friend of 7 years that I had feelings for her. We talked extensively every night afterwards for a couple months. Broke up with her boyfriend, gave me JUST ENOUGH to stay optimistic and now she’s with my friend because she feels that he is the one. I only want what’s best for her and so I brought up my friend (E) to my best friend (D) and they went on their first date yesterday. I don’t know what I was thinking but I did it to myself. I bought a genesis coupe before I dropped the bomb to show her that I can provide things that would make us both happy but also for myself, I have wanted one since 2016 REALLY BAD. Now I feel lonesome every time I’m in this car and it makes me want to off myself where I can never be found and I just don’t know what to do. The car still brings me joy to be in, I feel like I’m driving it for the first time, every time. But there is a strong underlying loneliness every time I’m in it and I can’t shake it. Ive felt that way for 5 days. I’ve been through much worse, but I’ve never felt this alone before. I don’t want to breathe, I don’t even want to feel joy, I just want to suffer in silence, but I figured since this is anonymous I can see what happens now that I’ve shared this. If I feel better, I’ll add an edit below.
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5 comments
Sharing your thoughts does help, even if it’s just the act of sorting things out in your head. You sound like you have your life together except for this one area with the girl. It’s a tricky situation youre in, but I think it’s amazing that you care about her so much that you fixed her up with someone else and you’re happy for them. Thats the definition of true love, when you love someone so much that it doesn’t matter if they don’t love you back. So even if your physical world is a mess, if your soul had an image it would be looking pretty good right now.
Your comment means the world to me, thank you for the input! I hope you’re healthy and doing well
Clearly she sees you only as a friend. It’s always a risk to try to turn your best friend into something more but from what I’ve heard, most of the time it doesn’t go as you expect.
You could always try to resume being her friend but it could make things awkward since she knows you have feelings for her.
Being resourceful/having money will eventually come in handy with the right girl. Unless she suddenly changes her mind and shows interest in you, you’re better off finding someone else.
During high school I met an amazing girl through friends, perfect 10, except that she just wasn’t my type. She was interested in me but I wasn’t really feeling it.
She was very attractive, had brains, was athletic, going into medicine at a prestigious university, total package but despite all that, I was into a different type of girl, so then she started dating a friend of mine who I didn’t like too much. Eventually we all drifted apart.
Objectively speaking she and I would’ve made a great couple-but I know I would’ve always been eyeing other girls and would’ve been looking for my type….it wouldn’t have been fair to her, at the same time I felt it was a foolish mistake to give her up.
They say a bird in the hand is worth 10 in the bush….today I don’t have anyone (for now), so much for being a romantic waiting for the ‘right one.’ Still I still begrudgingly feel it was the right choice at the time. If the chemistry isn’t there then it’s not worth it for me.
I’d say keep searching-it’s not easy to find ms right, but there are millions of women out there, so if you try your luck you might find someone who’s better than your ex-best friend.
The hardest part is your last sentence. Her and I will never be separated. We still have a close bond. She will always be my best friend. It’s so hard, but we need eachother.
Well if you think you can return to being her best friend and turn off you attraction for her that’s fine, but given your experience, I think it’s going to upset you each time you see her with someone else.
It reminded me of another girl who was a part of my circle….we were friends, flirted/joked around a lot, I didn’t realize I had developed strong feelings for her. Then she got interested in another guy. I was pretty devastated but decided to keep her at a distance after that.
Now I actually don’t really care that much for her. Putting distance and time between us helped. If you keep her at arm’s length in a few months you won’t be as attracted to her.