I don’t know what’s wrong me. I used to be so happy. 3rd grade is when i started to change, I would sit behind a small building at school while everyone else would play outside. I felt tired, tired of life. I would lie anytime people would ask me if i was okay. It has been like that ever since. I’m 14 now and It’s been a lot worse the last year. I try so hard to feel okay but i never do, I am useless in this world. I have no friends, I have no one. I don’t do anything and just sit in bed all day. I have tried to kill myself in the past and i wish more than anything that is had worked. I am tired of being used, I am so tired of feeling numb all the time. I started self harming again after being 8 months clean, I no longer care. I just want this life to be over. I don’t care if thing will get better, i don’t want to live past 18. I wish i could go through with ending things. Every night i find myself breaking down, I can never sleep and i feel tired to my core. The type of tired that does not go away. I think about killing myself everyday, even waking up feels like too much
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
5 comments
I relate to everything you’ve said here. I know what it feels like to spend hours searching for a reason to get out of bed in the morning. And self harm relapses are normal. It’s an addiction. The time between each relapse will get longer and longer, until the relapses stop altogether. This is coming from someone who’s dealt with many addictions, including self harm.
thank you i appreciate that. it’s just that i’m at point where i feel like i don’t want to recover
I have been there before and it’s really scary. I understand how difficult it is to pull yourself out of that hole. If you have the means to do so, I highly suggest looking into IOP (intensive outpatient). I was in IOP for a month and it was extremely helpful. Being around others who struggle can make you feel very at home, and much less alone. I met a lot of friends there.
I know, I wish several of my suicide attempts had worked in the past as well. It’s one of those situations where it’s like better now than later? the cutting is addicting, I’m thankful nothing is pressuring me to stop, because it’s a coping mechanism you know? my therapist always says she’s rather have me cut than dead or whatever. I’m sorry if this is a bit awkward but I’d be happy to get to know you! I think you’re cool 🙂
Thank you. Yeah it is just so hard knowing that is they had worked in the past i would not have to deal with everything that came after it, i think you are cool as well:)