My current mental state has me on the verge of messaging the crisis text line again. I wonder what exactly I expect them to do. I can pour out my thoughts and feelings, but what is the solution to this debilitating condition? That’s rhetorical, I know all the answers and nothing has worked, so why bother.
If there is anything that might help me, maybe it’s meds or some real therapy, but those didn’t work in the past so I’m just being optimistic, and neither are easy enough access for me to care to figure out.
I want to die so badly but the world seems insistent on tying strings of responsibility around my neck that prevent me from having what I want.
It’s hopeless. I’ll just continue trudging through life in a blur of unfocused attention.
Looking but not seeing.
Hearing but not listening.
Everything around me is so distant.