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by Once

I am not well. I am not well. I wonder what this night will hold…Earlier today I wrote an elaborate email to a friend that I recently spoke to about my suicidal thoughts.  It is a goodbye message. In a few minutes I will write one for my siblings, and they will be saved as drafts on my phone.  This is all just too much for me.  If things get bad, I’ll only need to press send. I am so anxious and afraid I’m shaking. I’m nauseous. I can’t think clearly. I want peace.

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6 comments

Atintofgreen 3/20/2021 - 1:17 am

I’m here if you want to talk to someone.

Once 3/20/2021 - 2:03 pm

Thank you, Atintofgreen.

system 3/20/2021 - 1:41 am

This is not how peace will reach you, as you will not be alive to experience it.

BlueBirdie 3/20/2021 - 4:18 am

Sending love to you!

blue_dude15 3/20/2021 - 4:25 am

I know you probably already know this, but please please don’t write the messages. By writing them, you’re making it more likely you’ll try to use suicide as a backup plan. That is probably what you want, but… idk how to word this, sorry.
I know I can’t change anything but please wait a few more days before you do anything. This feeling might pass. I sometimes have days when I feel like this, but after a few days it gets a bit better.
Sorry if I’m assuming things or being too pushy, but what about your friend at the farm? Do you think maybe you could call them?

Once 3/20/2021 - 2:06 pm

@System, @Bluebirdie, @Blue dude 15,

Its a new day, and it was a long night. Really long. This morning I got a job offer from a grocery store chain. It’s a good place to start to restore some order. Thanks for your thoughts.

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