I study misery, so depression would be a common and understandable outcome. I’ve been thinking though about why I keep coming back to that state of powerlessness, of wanting to walk away from the project. I have a degree in psychology, published research, and I work with trauma victims.
The thing that irritates me, and I’ve been trying to find a way to discuss this with anyone who will listen… Though the violent people, the angry people, the judgemental people, may look like the problem, the problem is us. Those of us in polite society who are willing to dismiss; “evil”, “sick”, “racist”, does it matter? We’ve gotten very good at drugging those that don’t fit. Every time I bring this up, people say I take too much on my shoulders. The problem is that as far as I can see, I am the only one who begins to see the size of the problem. Everyone I’ve met would rather dismiss, they just throw up their hands and say; “That’s the way the world is.”
Yes, I agree entirely, and that is why someone has to do something. I’m going to do something. I don’t know what and I don’t know how, but no one has been able to remove this burden. I was taught that if you see something, you say something. Well what do you do when you say something and people are apathetic? I think you have to keep going. Keep pushing until you either solve it or find others to continue such a project.
It’s going to kill me, comfort that such a thing is. No one wants to admit the amount of cruelty our society subjects people to on a daily basis, and how baked in being complicit is. People that see it sound hysterical, and get dismissed as paranoid. I’d love to be wrong. I have a scientific background, disproving the null hypothesis is the basis of all my work. My point is that no one is out to get you, or me for that matter. What people are is indifferent to our suffering, happy to profit from it.
We have to make them look at it, make them see, don’t we? If we suffer in silence then when we die they’ll find new people to fill this role, right? God, how I’d like to be utterly wrong about all of this….. I don’t think I am though.