Been a while since I’ve been here. Just haven’t felt like I’ve needed this place for a bit. But occasionally I just need to dump out the contents of my head. I’ve just been feeling real numb lately. Not sad or angry, just hollow. I’ve been keeping up with school work and I’ve actually been doing things at a reasonable pace. I’m still busy during the week, but I haven’t been overwhelmed by procrastinating on assignments. I’ve been trying to jog lately, but getting the motivation to do it is a pain. I was also doing full body exercises with dumbbells as well, but haven’t done any in like 3 weeks. Lately I’ve started drinking. I told myself that I would never start because a lot of family members have had alcoholism issues and I never wanted to be like them, but after a while I just wanted to see what the big deal was. The thing is I don’t drink enough to get drunk or even really buzzed. I drink 1, maybe 2 beers in like an afternoon. At first I hated the taste and needed to mix it with lemonade to even get through 1. But now I think I’m getting a taste for it. I don’t have a specific brand or drink yet, I’ve only tried like 2 different kinds. I would like to find one with a citrusy or lemony taste. Shock Top is the one I have in my fridge now and is the one that I’m getting a taste for. I thought it would be more citrusy, but it’s not really. I haven’t talked to her since December, on my birthday (coincidence, she didn’t even know it was my birthday and I didn’t say anything because I was afraid I’d make her feel guilty for not knowing). We haven’t talked consistently for like a year. I think about her a lot and the whole situation. I playback the facts in my head on loop and it always comes back to the conclusion that she just doesn’t care about me the way I care about her. I mean it’s not her fault. She has a lot of things going on and it’s not like she does this because she hates me. She just doesn’t have enough room in her life right now, even for a friend. The thing is, I know the second she ever calls, I’ll drop everything just to hear her voice. I have so many mixed feelings about it all. I think I’m good for a few months. I’ll be back here in like May.