Depressive down the Grave..

I am already out of Solutions. Even my attempts failed. Got over Drugs, yeah I made that for now but I need Help. I can not go to Psychic Ward due COVID, I can not go there because I would lack Sport. Beautiful Human, but I can not feel them, even when they try hard. I could have a Date next Week but how can I make it without crying? Crying again Nightly like there is nothing left, trying to keep it down so I could sleep. Forgetting what I see during sleep, barely productive during the Day. Can not make me Happy. I am planning on buying some Ketamine, it seems like it is the last thing that I would not use as a Drug but even Ketamine is recently a Risk due the Pain, the Aching of my Heart. I feel like I am going to die early due this Heart, if not due, … Giving the own Life into the Hands of someone else can not be done twice. I have many that other People do not have. A Tablet, a Phone, a Loudspeaker, a Camera, a Laptop, a second Tablet, one hundred Books and great clothing. But I miss real Happiness. That kind of Happiness that makes one tied to the People around one. Happiness that can be reproduced. When I laugh, it is Insanity.