I came up for air for a bit today. That is to say I sobered up for the first time in a few days. As sober as I get anymore, which I suspect is still in the refractory period for the intoxicants I use. I lasted about six hours…. found enough to do that I felt relatively productive to the point I didn’t have to run from the void.
Now I’m running again, and plan to run for a bit longer yet. I want to know what the pitch is for someone at my stage to sober up; oh no, throwing your life away? What life? I’m as dead sober as I am high, but high at least makes me less irritable about my dull lifeless form. If I ever reach the point NEARING addiction I’m going to take extensive time off, possibly forever. I’m very career suicidal lately; there’s no point, it doesn’t bring particularly good money. Despite my warmth and comfort, I’d rather be homeless than this.