Well I have been seeing my bipolar ex wife the last three months and she went off on me yesterday about me trying to control her and that all I want is for her to be my good little bltch. We were starting to fall in love again and the feelings started getting in the way and she blew a fuse. I got tired of her wanting everything her way and confronted her about it and she didn’t want no part of it. She thought it was ok to blow $5000 dollars the last 3 months and she wanted some more money and I said that dreaded word to her which of course is “NO”. So now im being controlling? She is fixated on control and you will never meet anyone more controlling and manipulative than her. Oh man she is almost to the manic stage and I had to cut and run but it has left me broken hearted again. This hurts so much that I have to now let her go permanent this time. I really tried my best with her at the expense of my heart and I have finally reached a point where I can’t take it anymore. I have been going thru this for about 25 years now and Im done. Right now Im on valium so it takes the edge off my pain that is unbearable at times. My sister would be so pissed if she knew I let her do this to me again. She warned me to leave the state and I did for a while but stupid me came back. Now I have to leave for good this time. My life just sucks. Seeing her again is considered attempted suicide in my families eyes. Right now I seem to be dealing with it better than in the past but I think its because I expected it more this time because I could never really trust her. You can’t trust a bipolar and thats just the way it is but she always expected me to and I at least pretended I did but inside its not possible. So now Im going to try an start my life over somewhere else but I am so weary.
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as far as trusting anyone with mental disorders, it depends. having bpd myself i woundnt completely disagree as problems like ours are….different, then “just depression”. however ill also say it depends. if the person recognizes it and at least tries, then thats one thing (not that its personally making me feel any better, id rather be ignorant then know i suck but whatever, thats not gonna happen). as far as your specific situation, it does seems like shes not entirely, if at all recognizing the problem. and definitely not trying to fix it. im sorry you went through that. dealing with someone with mental disorders can be rough. im also sorry about having to let someone go you dont want to. because of the way things are and my disorders i have to let a section of my heart go. i havent told him yet though, im waiting until hes busy so he cant say anything. hugs. i hope this time works out better for you.
Im sorry if I offended you about the trust issue and her being bipolar. I think the biggest reason for my lack of trust for her comes more from her rotten family her mommy dearest and childhood than her being bipolar. She just never had a chance but I really tried to give her a good life and she just doesn’t seem to want any part of that. She has always thrown whats good in her life away and she is 52 years old and still doing it. Im just at a loss at this point and its starting to catch up to me and hurt more now.
No offense taken.
Poor woman. She sounds very troubled, I’m so sorry you’re going through this and having to be a victim of the outbursts. Is she on any mood stabilizers or seeing a therapist? It could be very beneficial if she’s willing to go that route.
Yes she is on all that and seeing a counsellor. She is on SS for her manic depression. It just seems like now she is on a Permanente manic but not as intense as in the past. I cant reason with her at all anymore. Everything I say she will twist into something different and she only used to do that when she was on a manic in the past. Its like she is still comfortable with destroying her life and those around her except of course her mommy dearest which she just moved in with. She treats me a lot like her mother treats her except I stand up to her and she will not with her mother and she is now 52 years old. Its a constant love and rejection and my poor heart can’t take anymore of it. Im sure her mother will drive her back to the mental ward at some point like in the past. Its a very sad situation and our 26 year old son is in alcohol treatment now and is also bipolar and just destroyed a good chunk of his life recently. I feel like God is punishing me and I don’t know why.
Her mental illness is not your fault. Remember that. What I am taking away from all this is that she is very, very sick and her mental illness has continued to spiral.
Of course you can’t take it anymore. Your heart is gaslit and tired from the constant hot and cold behavior that your ex-wife exhibits, and (from what I understand) has been exhibiting for a very long time. You have every right to be exhausted and in pain.
About your son- you have no control over what genetic tendencies get passed down. Alcoholism is genetic. Mental illness is genetic. The most you can do is support him through every step of what is a very slow, difficult process (I’m speaking from experience). Treatment is ugly. It digs up a lot of buried feelings that the addict in question has attempted to drown in the burn of whiskey or the rush of a stimulant. It’s one of the most difficult things I’ve gone through, but one of the most important. It’s an eye opening experience. Also be sure that you explain the danger of drug/alcohol relapse post-sobriety when he gets out of treatment. That’s how overdoses happen, because the body doesn’t have the same tolerance that it used to have.
I really hope the clouds begin to clear soon for you, even if only just a little bit.
Thank you for understanding how weary this has made me and for the many years I have gone thru this. I suffer depression so my marriage to her has not been a good combination but I don’t give up easy on those I love even at the expense of my life which she has almost taken me out in the past at times. I was an alcoholic and went thru treatment and quit 20 years ago. My poor son didn’t get some very good genetics. I look 10 years younger than I am and that runs in my family so at least he got that lol. His mother only looks 10 years older because she was a meth junkie for years and dragged me into it back in the late 90’s. But I ODed after a few months and left it behind. She has been to drug treatment 4 times and then ended up in a coma for 10 days after another one of her attempted suicides before she quit. Good times.