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Ugh why do i keep doin this?

by elleInWi

Whenever i attempt a relationship, i sabotage myself n assume he can do better and get someone skinnier and prettier than me. So now hes pissed off and is going to bed because i kept tryin to push him away. For some reason i feel like people are “settling” when they try to choose me. Because numerous exs in the past always saw me as a rest stop on their way to somethin better. And my inner self doesnt want to be treated like that ever again. Kinda why ive been single since 2011. I feel like being alone is better for me because it keeps me sane, theres no competition, and i dont have to worry about bein cheated on. But i also hate bein alone because id like someone to come “home” to. Wtf is wrong with me? Why am i so complicated? Damaged? Why do i keep making men mad at me?

 

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system 4/12/2021 - 10:57 pm

Your caution is a result of relationship-based abandonment trauma, and it’s not your fault. It’s a defense mechanism, and your feelings are valid. Try and remember that the anxiety is not the result of you being “complicated”, it’s just a result of the bad experiences you’ve had. It’s human, it’s normal, and there is nobody to blame but those who wronged you to begin with.

Robert77 4/13/2021 - 4:06 am

I agree with System about the abandonment issues. When you get hurt enough times you start to think something is wrong with you and I even feel that at times although I know my ex being bipolar doesn’t need a reason to abandon me and cheat. I have had women like her my entire life. Some of us are just attracted to the type of people that will hurt us. I don’t understand it but its true. They say if you go to a place with 25 people you will end up with a person just like your ex. It sucks.

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