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by meltyhands

I honest to god don’t know how much longer I can take it anymore. Life from my birth to 16 has been awful: watching my mom almost die, groomed and attempted molestation from my brother, watching my mother try to kill herself daily by overdosing, my dad choosing women over me, school abuse, the list goes on. I can’t go into detail without writing a novel’s worth. When 2020 came….that January I finally looked into my mother’s death after five, going on six years. And it solidified something I wanted to do in life: be an autopsist. I studied my heart out into anatomy and taking classes to prep for college admissions. My love for health science got me several letters from big name colleges and people. But a day after my birthday, I felt my toe lose sensation. And it all went downhill from there … today I struggle with my balance, am in constant debilitating pain, get tingling throughout random parts of my body, have problems using the bathroom, and deal with constant migraines among other things. After I finally survived long enough to decide what I want to do with my life, I’ve lost it all again. My doctor thinks I have MS and I am supposed to be getting an MRI. I turn 18 in less than two weeks, and honest to god have lost hope for my life. “Things will get better” is a lie. After being two months clean I’ve gone back to cutting. I feel like a burden on everyone, and I wish my friend whos constantly worried about me wasn’t. He deserves better. I just don’t know how much longer I can go on.


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Rainwatch 6/21/2021 - 1:45 am

Perhaps go to Accident and Emergency, it will be a long day but they will take blood tests there and then, and they will take an Xray of the part of the body in most discomfort there and then, the results will be made known to you immediately. About a month ago out of the blue I started to get this crippling pain in the hands and shins, I googled it ( worst thing you can do but everyone does) and it sounded like arthiritis, I went to the Doctor he wasn’t sure but wasn’t leaning towards arthiritis as the problem, another week passed of unbelievable pain and I had no choice but to go to Accident and Emergency, the blood test came back clear no arthiritis and the hand Xray said the same, its in my nature to inquire further so I asked will very early stage arthiritis be picked up in these tests and they weren’t so sure but apparently all other forms will. Anyway the pain has reduced dramatically since maybe by 90 percent
In short just remember that any Doctor is not doing you a favour or is your friend its simply a business transaction so whatever is on your mind say it
I don’t know anything about MS but the mention of constant debilitating pain in your post is what triggered my reply because I had it a month ago. Good luck with this situation!

likeastone 6/22/2021 - 7:56 pm

I had a lot of terrible symptoms when I was using. Numbness inside and out especially. If you are only just 2 months clean from something, maybe it’s worth a second opinion.

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