I honest to god don’t know how much longer I can take it anymore. Life from my birth to 16 has been awful: watching my mom almost die, groomed and attempted molestation from my brother, watching my mother try to kill herself daily by overdosing, my dad choosing women over me, school abuse, the list goes on. I can’t go into detail without writing a novel’s worth. When 2020 came….that January I finally looked into my mother’s death after five, going on six years. And it solidified something I wanted to do in life: be an autopsist. I studied my heart out into anatomy and taking classes to prep for college admissions. My love for health science got me several letters from big name colleges and people. But a day after my birthday, I felt my toe lose sensation. And it all went downhill from there … today I struggle with my balance, am in constant debilitating pain, get tingling throughout random parts of my body, have problems using the bathroom, and deal with constant migraines among other things. After I finally survived long enough to decide what I want to do with my life, I’ve lost it all again. My doctor thinks I have MS and I am supposed to be getting an MRI. I turn 18 in less than two weeks, and honest to god have lost hope for my life. “Things will get better” is a lie. After being two months clean I’ve gone back to cutting. I feel like a burden on everyone, and I wish my friend whos constantly worried about me wasn’t. He deserves better. I just don’t know how much longer I can go on.